Big Sky Cairn

I’ve done extensive research - hours upon hours of pouring through books at Mansfield and the MPL - to determine exactly what would happen if Montana were to secede from the United States. This guide can be considered the definitive description of what will transpire if the unthinkable occurs (of course, I’ve seen enough Star Trek episodes to realize that by describing this scenario, it’s likely that I will have changed the outcome - darn paradoxes).

So we all know that the Judicial Branch is way out of control, what with legislating from the bench and letting lawyers exist. Anyway, in the case D.C. v. Heller the Supreme Court is going to decide if the good God-fearing people of Montana are too scary to own guns. (As a side note here, the people of DC just love their “taxation without representation” martyrdom and in order to not deny them their euphoric agony, I think someone ought to consider taking away their access ot the Judicial System altogether - especially considering how they use it). Okay, back on track. Now in Montana, “When you pry it from my cold dead hands,” is always the answer to any questions about gun control or damn dirty apes, so understandably people are upset when Uncle Sam came knocking with an inkling to take away our guns. Our elected officials put their heads together and decided that the best course of action was to hold their breath until Big Brother did what they want. It’s sort of a state tradition.

But should the Supreme Court not do what it’s told and Montana ends up seceding, it’s not quite clear what will happen. Since Montana was never an independent nation, and “territory” doesn’t get you a seat at the international lunch table, the first question is - what is Montana if not a state? No one knew - until now.

See, while the Congressional Delegation will likely be exiled to Washington, DC (a tough fate for Denny and Jon who still have Montana roots, but a welcome change for DC-resident Max who is getting rather sick of the commute) the state government will remain intact. Governor Brian Schweitzer, using the political capital he’s sacrificed seven Jags for (it’s a little known fact that like Lassie, Jag is replaced once a year for a newer younger dog - the old Jag is eaten by environmentalists) will finally be in a position to get what he’s wanted since his first day on the job in Helena. A new job.

A Presidency.

By the sheer will-to-power of Brian Schweitzer will declare himself President of Montana - a glorious new nation. Brad Johnson will be sent off to investigate a potato famine in Idaho and in his absence, President Schweitzer will legitimize his position by holding a plebiscite (of Montana editorial boards). Unsurprisingly, the Montana press will approve of his Administration with a shocking 99% of the vote (1% abstained - an intern concerned with press independence - resulting in much eye rolling and laughing). With this undeniable Mandate from the People (who are Media), President Schweitzer will move the Capital to Missoula - which he will rename Saint Schweitzerberg. The Grizzlies will be guaranteed a National Championship every year since the Bobcats will never beat them.

For the first 100 hours, things will go pretty smoothly. But the glory is to be short-lived because the war-monger George W. Bush is about to warn his country that Montana has WMDs (”We know, because we put them there“). President Schweitzer presents a clear and present danger to the safety of American people (he spend a lot of his time “invading” neighboring states and San Francisco before he became President). The time to act is now. And Congress looks likely to grant him the power he needs to invade…

Continued in Part II.

House Democrats, folding to one of their most important and powerful special interest groups, have allowed our intelligence gathering laws to revert back to the way they were before September 11, 2001 - you know, when the colossal failure of these laws cost nearly 3000 Americans their lives.

Why?  Part pressure from their lawyer buddies, part political miscalculation, part inept leadership.  Whatever the reason, the fact is that you are less safe today than you were two weeks ago.

I stumbled across a rather uninteresting piece from the Missoula Independent the other day about Erik Iverson’s dual role as the top staffer for Rep. Denny Rehberg and the Montana GOP party.

However, the one interesting tidbit to come out of this story was the aloof ignorance of Representative Art Noonan (D-Butte), wait sorry he is playing the role of Executive Director of the Montana Democrats in this story.

“His volunteering as chair—that’s not unusual,” Noonan says. What concerns him, he says, is “the intermingling of the political business of the party with government work done for the taxpayers.”

A fair question ED Noonan, does Rep. Noonan care to respond?

Since being elected to office in 2003, Art has proven himself to be a fighter for Montana’s working families and our veterans. During this spring’s contentious legislative session, Art was a steady hand and a calming force as the House Democratic Floor Leader. Some of his legislative accomplishments include authoring legislation to give life insurance to the state’s National Guard members serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, pushing through a bill to help clean up and protect Montana’s natural resources, and spearheading efforts to increase cooperation between new aerospace businesses, state government, and Montana’s colleges and universities.

As Art has said, his politics are “practical, compassionate, and fair.” And I believe those are key qualities for someone who will help guide the Democratic Party forward though next year’s election – and beyond.

Wait that is ED Noonan again talking about Rep. Noonan on why he is qualified to be ED Noonan. I get confused when political business and the business of Montana taxpayers get intermingled. Yoda this man is not.

ED Noonan may have a fair point since he decided not to seek re-election by taking the high road and anointing his nephew Pat to HD-73

What else you got ED Noonan?

“Who pays for his phone calls about party business when he’s at work in D.C.?” asks Noonan, “How much time does he spend in the state? Where does he actually live? Where is the documentation that he’s not using senate staff, office resources, travel budget, or phone lines for his state party work?”

To answer questions 1,2, and 3, a quick search on the googles shows that Erik Iverson works out of Missoula.

This is like the old Bugs Bunny striking out the side with one pitch.

Continuing on with ED Noonan’s questions, hopefully for my own partisan leanings this will come as a surprise to the fearless leader of the Montana Dems that Denny Rehberg serves in the House of Representatives, not the U.S. Senate.  Maybe Art can use the three years he is giving Jim Hunt to study up.

Given his past, a little ignorance or selective memory goes a long way. I leave you with Ex-Hill staffer Noonan on campaign finance, unfortunately ED Noonan could not be reached for comment on $9 Million Max.

“I personally am reaching a place where I may not be able to vote for anyone who does not promise campaign finance reform, day one. I will never be a millionaire and so I feel very strongly that the money changers have more directly undermined the importance in my vote more than any constitutional amendment ever could.”

A few months back I was on a prop plane pond jump from Spokane to Missoula and I overheard a conversation between two people sitting in the seats in front of me. One was a college student who was returning home to Missoula from somewhere in California and the other was an older guy decked out in khakis and a short sleeved shirt - also from California. Their conversation was about a vision for the future of Montana.

Our prodigal son lamented that Montana was just too backward - close minded and primitive - for his new collegiate taste. The state was full of gun-toting anti-government whackos who wanted to deny poor people health care and cut tax rates for rich people. Yokel white people who drive SUVs and eat meat. To be fair, being from Missoula means that he’d probably been conditioned to think that Montana was politically embarrassing before he ever went to college. He found the progressive paradise he appreciated in California.

The man who wasn’t from Montana had a different view of our state. Sure it was backwards, but it didn’t have all of the problems that California had with overcrowding, urban sprawl, pollution. Montana was a place he could retire - especially now that it was starting to think more like California and elect good Democrats like Brian Schweitzer and Jon Tester. Yes, Montana was becoming more and more attractive.

Digging deeper, we see the devices that progressive liberals have for Montana. Montana is a land of great potential. While it’s barely tolerable now - safe havens like Missoula and Butte are beginning to pull the state in the right direction. Soon, Montana will be a political paradise like California, New York or Massachusetts. They don’t see that with that metamorphosis will come all of the unique problems that California, New York and Massachusetts have that Montana has avoided.

Montana is my home. I don’t want it to change. I like being backward if being progressive means I have to live like they do in California, New York or Massachusetts. And so, right there on that plane, I decided it was time to fight back. For the Montana that I grew up in. The Montana that I love to come home to when I travel. The Montana that makes liberals so uncomfortable. And in my own little way, this old boy from Missoula thought that in his own little way a blog could